I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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