if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
