I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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