he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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