There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
