I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
