accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
