i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
