you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
