My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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