I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
