omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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