Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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