More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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