Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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