My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
