turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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