I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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