it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
