I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize