So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
