I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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