Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I need water and some morals
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
