I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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