She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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