my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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