You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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