Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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