you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
