Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
