Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
