Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
