Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
