I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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