Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
