I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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