I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
wow bdsm is so cute
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
