Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
