Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
