hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize