Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
