I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
