Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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