Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
