There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
