In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
