he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
