she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
