I'm so fucking centered right now
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize