i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
