Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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