Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
