Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
