he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
