at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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