You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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