those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
