you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
