But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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