I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
