Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Its about making memories worth repressing
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
