"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
