I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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