Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i will never coherently bang her
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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