We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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