I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
