I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
