it's like iHOP with fire
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
