Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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