Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize