I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
