Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
