I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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