I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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