I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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