just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
