New low: just hacked my moms facebook
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize