We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The dick lei will go down in squad history
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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