I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
God, I missed his penis.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
