OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
