I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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