Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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