Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
