Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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