I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
